How to lose $12 and destroy your kids self esteem.

You remember the old TV series "Dragnet" where they always made that official sounding disclaimer: "The names have been changed to protect the innocent."?

Well welcome to my blog. Those of you who know me, know who I am and who I'm talking about. Those of you who don't, well I'm going "Dragnet" on you because I don't want to listen to my ex-wife and her lousy lawyer try to whip up an endless torrent of "Cease and Desist" orders every time I put finger to keyboard.

So here's a classic example of what I dealt with for 13+ years of marriage:

So as is usual on Sunday nights I always get a good night call after I drop the kids off. The irony is that they've spent 2+ days with us and still like to call that same night just to talk. Compare that with their behavior when they're with us (school breaks, weekends, summer, etc.) and they never (and I mean N-E-V-E-R) want to pick-up the phone to call their -ahem- Mother I find it just dripping in irony.

So I get the call last night and ask my daughter (let's call her "Liz") how her night was. "Not good.", she informs me.

"Why? What happened?"

"Well we were driving home after you dropped us off and Mom had to stop for gas because she was on empty. So we stopped into Cumberland Farms and she gave Steve (my son) her last $12 so he could bring it in to the cashier and get the pump turned on."

"So he goes in and asks the man "Can I have $12 on pump number 3", gives him the money and then goes to the bathroom. As he's walking back out to the car, Mom's standing there waiting for the pump to come on and asking Steve if he gave the attendant the money. He says yes, $12 on pump #3."

"Well there was only one problem. Our car was parked on pump #4 and their was a different car on #3. Whoever that guy on #3 was, well he just got $12 worth of free gas."

Now I'm on the other end of the phone trying not to laugh because this is a classic case of her being her. I had all I could do to keep a straight face.

"So then what happened?"

"Well, Mom flipped out because she only had $12 and no other cash or credit cards. So she starts yelling at Steve to go get the man to change the pump number and restart the pump. By the time he got back in to the store the guy on #3 had already pumped his gas and driven off and the station attendant wouldn't restart the pump. Mom was out her last $12, had no gas and was freaking out that she was going to run out."

"So what did she do?"

"Well she started yelling at Steve for his mistake and he began to get upset so I told her that she should have brought the money in herself, and then she started yelling at me to mind my own business. Then she picked up her cell phone and started calling everyone to tell them she was afraid she was going to run out of gas and didn't know what to do.

She called Stu (her new husband) to tell him that she was going to run out of gas, but there was nothing he could do because he was at work. So she called Grammy to tell her, and Grammy told her to just drive as far as she could and if she ran out she ran out, and then she'd have to call the auto club."

"Did you make it home OK?"

"Yah, after all her drama she managed to make it home OK and she made us run in the house to get the emergency $10 so she could go to the station down the road.".

So there you go, a microcosm of life with my ex. Too lazy to do anything for herself. Too broke to even have an extra $10 for gas (oh, and don't feel too bad she get's well over $1,200 a month in support not to mention a full-time job). Too helpless to put her big girl pants on and deal with it and too self-pitying to see it as everyone elses responsibility to take care of her problems.

When you're own Mother tells you to keep driving and call the auto club when you finally run out of gas, I think you get a good idea that this isn't the first time this type of thing has happened.